I have been as sad and bereft of hope as most Americans over the senseless deaths in in Newtown, Conn., of 20 little ones and seven adults, including the wounded soul who committed this heinous crime. Newtown is my wife’s hometown and she attended Sandy Hook Elementary School. She has taken me there many times, a place that takes you back to the days of Opie Taylor, a sweet, dreamy little town just far enough away from the big cities to create the illusion of wholeness and safety. Newton is Everytown, Anytown, Ourtown.

This event will become yesterday’s news in six months. Yes, it will and I regret saying this. Who really remembers the last five mass shooting sites in this country? We have become so inoculated with violence that we react with predictable shock and horror, but soon move on to another headline or diversion or movie or drink or whatever we each do to hide from the reality that America is as violent as the Taliban.

I have spent my life working with young kids. For 17 years I ran a school in Portland for kids others didn’t want to share the same zip code with. They were tough, often violent, crime-driven youth who came deeply wounded and angry, many of them more than capable of being a mass shooter. I say this not because I think I have answers, because, every day I struggled to make sure that the community was safe and the kids were stable. But, this experience, my work as a licensed psychological provider for three decades and a school administrator for just as long, has given me many teachable moments.

From my work, and I am blessed to have had the privilege of being on the front line, I offer five insights that I think can help prevent mass shootings in Anytown/Ourtown.

1. Looking at the profile of the shooters: in general they are male, have an early history of social disenfranchisement and gravitate to rumination of violence and video games, with few friends. None of them have been star students, athletes or well connected to their peers. Often, sadly, in the psychological autopsy of their lives, many people will say they saw the shadowy outlines of hostility that erupted into a horrific act of violence. Two weeks ago, I posted a column, School May Be Dangerous, in which I lament the black and blue statistics of how schools are failing to meet the needs of too many boys. We need to look at this data, completely overhaul our educational delivery system, which thwarts the developmental needs of boys, and champion adventure-based learning that incorporates service learning, outdoor education and well channeled ways to funnel male aggression.

2. I believe the home is pivotal to making sure no kid falls through the cracks. To start, I would offer a simple place to start: the kitchen table. How many families begin the day with sitting down at breakfast, a time that nurtures the family unit, and ends with dinner, a time of laughter, vibrant conversation and the invisible, emotional salve of healing from a day in this crazy world? The family, soon to be archived in the Smithsonian as a failed social experiment, is an important hedge against kids coming apart at the seams.

3. The hours from 3 to 6 p.m. Parents work. And there are far too many single parents working as hard as they can to make it. Where are the community programs that we need to make sure every kid has a place to go and engage? No, I am not talking about the faceless social media sites, or hunkering down to play two hours of video games. I am talking about well constructed after-school programs that are exciting, grab the interests of kids and bring them together, often with adult supervision in the background, to creat a connective tissue of caring and meaning. If you know a dozen kids who go home to an empty house until the sun has long set, you are looking at the darks seeds of isolation.

4. It is 8 p.m. Do you know where your kids are? I have three kids, all grown up, and with a deep breath, I can say they turned out well. But, it was darned hard work. I did my best to monopolize or monitor their free time; I never went to bed until they came home and would strategically sit on their bed as they told me about what they were doing (often with a lot of prodding on my part, I might add). But it is this relentless dipsticking that tells kids you are in this with them and you are watching the store. So, it is 8 p.m. Where are your kids?

5. Finally ( and you see, I have not suggested we lock up the guns, since that cannot and will not happen in this country, ever, so save your energy and go plant a tree), I believe the social and mental health services in this country have about evaporated. (Note also: bullet proof backpacks, arming teachers, hiring armed guards at all schools, and razor wiring the perimeter of the school will not make your children safe. These are only fear-based, useless recommendations that will never protect a school from someone who is driven to kill). We need to strengthen our early interventions, make sure well-baby clinics put children on the right track, make sure we don’t teach hungry kids in school, insist on livable incomes for all jobs, make the church a more meaningful part of the family, support the bazillion Little Leagues teams, hiking clubs, sailing lessons, etc., and make counseling services universally available to any family who needs it. Period. If we can spend a billion dollars a day eradicating Afghanistan, we can spend 50 bucks to make sure a kid sees a counselor.

I take walks in Camden, run on the back roads of Lincolnville and yet, when I return from a day in Portland, the number of faceless, miserable young people shuffling on Congress Street haunts me for days. Newtown is not far away. It could be Ourtown.

William Shuttleworth remains active as a part time school superintendent, a member of the Maine Charter School Commission, and serves as an advocate/consultant for kids and families struggling and want a better deal out of school. You can reach him at wshuttleworth@hotmail.com

More columns by William C. Shuttleworth

William C. Shuttleworth: Caution, school may be dangerous for your child

Drugging kids for their own good