On the holiday Monday, my wife and I set off to purchase a new dishwasher. Ours, only seven years old, had stopped working, defying all Tracee’s attempts to fix it. For the last several weeks, it has served as a drainer for the hand washed dishes, a surprisingly time consuming task in a family of five. 

During the process of selecting and ordering the new appliance, the woman selling it to us mentioned how her husband had successfully repaired their dishwasher. Then she asked if I, the guy already bored of the process and who had wandered off to check out the latest in refrigerator technology, would be the one to install it after it was delivered.

Tracee got that look in her eye I have learned to recognize after 23 years.

The drive home from Rockland had her playing YouTube videos through the sound-system of her pickup, dishwasher repair tutorials. Getting home, she set to pulling apart the dishwasher again, and this time, she found a plastic hose she had overlooked, underneath the machine, its end cracked and crumbling under the strain of seven years heavy use.

Friday evening the part arrived, and by mid morning Saturday, the dishwasher was humming along.

My role in all this? I helped mop up some spilled water, and assisted in tipping the washer at one point. Mostly I stayed far away, recognizing that I would only be a hindrance.

Growing up in the 1980s, the cultural zeitgeist suggested that gender roles were changing. I remember watching Mr. Mom at the Belfast drive-in (part of a double feature with Romancing the Stone). Michael Keaton starring as a laid off blue collar guy forced to take on domestic duties while his wife returned to work. Hilarious because of the absurdity. A man taking care of his kids?

And here we are in 2025, and there seems to be a renewed focus on “traditional” gender roles. The “trad wife”, the weird focus on hyper masculinity.

In my marriage, it is clear who possesses the technical skills. It isn’t me. Mechanical abilities is not a trait that the O’Brien boys possess, and I fear this may be continuing into the next generation, as it is our daughter who seems to have the best understanding of how things work, how they fit together.

Tracee inherited her father’s skill set, and they have collaborated on several building projects around this old place, understanding what the other needs often without verbal communication. My job is to bring them a beer at the end of a workday, and maybe help shift some heavy objects.

I do the bulk of the cooking, and it has always been my job to ensure that the magical beings of childhood — Santa, the Easter Bunny, heck, the Leprechaun — do their jobs. These are things I understand and am good at.

I would love to say that we manage to evenly divide the chores, in some idealistic marital egalitarianism. But I have to accept that this isn’t true, and it is a constant battle to get myself to step up my game in the domestic task completion. 

We are very different in our approaches to work in general. I have settled happily into my self employment, with a structured routine of clients between 9 and 4:30 p.m., Monday through Friday, while she throws herself into her job, which remains a bit of a mystery to me, and still finds time to get kids and mother-in-law to appointments, film all the Camden Hills Football games, and work late into the night if the mood — or responsibility — demands it.

With a smooth running dishwasher, she has now taken on the bathtub, and the slow leak that occurs whenever a kid tries to take a bath (no problem with showers for some reason). Listening to her last night, with my father-in-law on speaker phone, offering suggestions in his thick Maine accent as she peered at the plumbing from back of the closet in the bedroom in the next room. My only assistance being to clarify that the bathtub was installed in that location in the early 1980s.

Whatever, it seems to be working. I will try to be better about the little things I can handle — vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, decluttering surfaces. And she will continue to tackle the bigger projects, the ones that take actual technical skills, and I will make her coffee in the morning, and make sure she has a good dinner in the evening.

Annual Pilgrimage

Weather permitting, on Wednesday, October 22, Rosey Gerry will once again lead a group to the Millerite Cliffs to commemorate the Great Disappointment of 1844, where the followers of William Miller gathered to greet the end of the world, only to face the fact that not only was the world indeed going to continue, but also their neighbors, and that they would need to confront the winter unprepared.

The hike will go on outside of a serious downpour. Rosey is one heck of a story teller, sure to entertain and inform any who choose to join him. Meet no later than 6:45 a.m. at the end of Maiden’s Cliff Road, off Youngtown, just up the hill from the Youngtown Inn.

Lincolnville Harvest Festival

Join the Lincolnville PTO for a Harvest Festival at Breezemere Park from 12-3 p.m. on Saturday October 25. For a $5 admission expect plenty of food and seasonal treats, games and activities, a bounce house, and live music. Sounds wicked fun!

Library Happenings

Tuesday at 2 p.m. will be a talk on Conscious Aging. The needleworkers will also meet Tuesday from 3 to 5 p.m. Cribbage for Everyone will be held Thursday at 3 p.m. Friday at 10 a.m. will be story and play time for preschoolers. Saturday at 10 a.m., join the library staff and volunteers for Halloween Crafts for Kids.

Sympathy:

To the family and loved ones of Adelaide Albright, a young person from Lincolnville who is gone too soon.

There is still some great foliage out there, so get out and enjoy it. Our roads and inns are full of people who have traveled a long way to see it, so make sure you get to appreciate it too.

Be kind, be understanding, and reach out at ceobrien246@gmail.com.

Municipal Calendar:

Monday, October 20

Recreation Committee, 6 p.m. Town Office

Tuesday, October 21

Library open 3-6 p.m. 208 Main Street

AA Meeting 12:15 p.m., Community Building, 18 Searsmont Road

Comprehensive Plan Review Committee and Select Board Workshop, 6 p.m. Town Office

Wednesday, October 22

Library Open, 2-5 p.m., 208 Main Street

Wednesday Night Bible Study, 7 p.m., Bayshore Baptist Church

Thursday, October 23

Library open 2-5 p.m., 208 Main Street

Select Board, 3 p.m., 12 McKay Road (location of former McLaughlin’s Lobster Shack)

Friday, October 24

AA Meeting 12:15 p.m., Community Building, 18 Searsmont Road

Library open 9-12, 208 Main Street

Saturday, October 25

Library open 9-12, 208 Main Street

Sunday, October 26

United Christian Church, 9:30 a.m. Worship and Children’s Church, 18 Searsmont Road

Bayshore Baptist Church, 10 a.m. Sunday School for All Ages, 10:40 a.m. Coffee and Baked Goods, 11:00 a.m. worship, 2648 Atlantic Highway