Amirite?

Sun, 09/15/2024 - 08:42

Ed O’Brien

Fog over Ducktrap Mountain. (Photo by Ed O’Brien)

A boy distracts his dog from the scary lawnmower. (Photo by Ed O’Brien)

The Beach Schoolhouse and Lincolnville Historical Society (Phot courtesy of the LIA)

Fog over Ducktrap Mountain. (Photo by Ed O’Brien)

A boy distracts his dog from the scary lawnmower. (Photo by Ed O’Brien)

The Beach Schoolhouse and Lincolnville Historical Society (Phot courtesy of the LIA)

It is an interesting time of life. As 50 rapidly approaches, I have to stop occasionally and just say to myself “what the heck is going on?” I am looking back at very near half a century, most of it spent in this same little spot in a small town on the coast.

I was talking to a former Camden Rockport High School classmate recently about growing up here and still being here. How, in spite of all the changes in the world, so much feels so similar. How the experiences of our kids are not all that different from our own at their ages, though don’t try to tell the kids that. They won’t believe you.

I often write about the past in this column, but I do try to avoid getting bogged down by nostalgia. We love to view the past through rose colored glass, and embrace the idea that things used to be better, easier, less complicated. Well yeah, it was easier for us, we were kids! We didn’t think about things like the price of groceries, of health insurance, of our mortgage or rent. But our parents sure did.

My wife and I and our peers are firmly in the “in between” years. We have kids that demand our time, and occasionally our guidance, but not in the same way that they did when they were little. They are pretty independent, but still need us to drive them to sports and activities, to pay for the incidentals, to put dinner on the table EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Our oldest is on the verge of getting her license, but that will bring a whole new level of worry, and, likely, expense. All the while, the cost of their college education looms in the back of our minds…

My mom is also stubbornly independent, but she would freely acknowledge that she needs assistance on occasion. A ride to the eye doctor on a Monday morning, a wood box filled, a project which she “can” do on her own, but would welcome help with.

We are extremely fortunate to have parents who ask little of us, but, like impending college, we all accept that the time will come when my wife and I need to be there for our parents. As they were there for their own parents.

Meanwhile, my wife and I try to keep up with our own jobs. Self employed, I have control over my days in theory, but in reality I have an extremely restrictive schedule, not very amenable to unplanned appointments or minor crisis in the lives of my children or mother. My wife’s job allows a greater degree of flexibility, which necessitates making up time in early or late hours, and results in unhelpful comments about how “mom works all the time”.

Work. My wife and I both work full time. For pay. But managing a family is also full time work. Without pay. The dinners, the mountains of laundry, the drop offs and pick ups, the cleaning of a house that seems to spontaneously dirty itself, the care of the dogs, cats, and chickens, engaging in community service. How does this get divided? Unfairly, at least according to both my wife and I.

We are very rational and calm people at all times, so of course this is no problem. I lie. It is hard, so incredibly hard sometimes. As it was hard for our parents, and their parents before them. As it is hard for you.

And where, in the mix of all this, do you find time for yourself? To go for a walk and listen to a podcast? To read a book under the apple tree. To play a video game, to watch football? To be somewhere without your kids or parents or pets or spouse or phone demanding your attention?

When, nearly two years ago, Ma started hinting that she was thinking of stopping her 40 year run of writing This Week in Lincolnville, and that she thought I should continue the column I talked to a dear old friend about this. I figured, as a professor of English, she might have some words of wisdom. She asked me if I would continue Ma’s style of writing about everyday life. Of family, and what that would look like for me?

After my father died in 2017, Ma spent an entire year of this column writing about her reaction to losing her partner of 50 years. Columns she later compiled into a book, Half of Every Couple: When Death Ends a Marriage.

I think about my friend’s question, and I think about Ma’s writing. Yes, I suppose I have continued her legacy. I don’t have her talent, but I write about my life, which is inseparably tangled with this town I love.

So, to repeat, it is an interesting time of life. It is difficult, it is messy, it is wonderful, and it is full of love and unexpected beauty. Watching my wife and son attempt to mow the fenced-in backyard on a sunny afternoon, taking turns distracting dogs and running the lawnmower through well fertilized grass. Listening to my daughter’s stories of school and work drama, and seeing the values of her mother and I shine through. Seeing how my middle boy thrives as he enters high school, the battle he faced at three so far behind him. The wisdom of our parents, who have been exactly where my wife and I are now, as they look on with amused support.

LIA Meeting

This Thursday, September 19, will be the next meeting of the Lincolnville Improvement Association at the Lincolnville Historical Society’s Beach Schoolhouse, 33 Beach Road.

The will have a potluck supper beginning at 5:30 p.m. The speaker will be Gary Aspesi, formally of the CIA, and he will speak of his time in the Intelligence Community. Bring a friend, and engage in the community, learn something new- be you a multi-generational resident or a recent transplant. Lincolnville welcomes all.

OK, that is what I have today. I think my wife wants to finally finish building the railings on back deck- she does the actual planning and cutting of lumber, I just do what I am told. We work well this way. The plan is to finish this before the Patriots play at 1. She yells at the TV, I make the snacks. It is important to play to your strengths.

Soak up the sunshine, read a book under an apple tree. Reach out at ceobrien246@gmail.com.

CALENDAR

Monday, September 16

Lincolnville Historical Society Museum open, 1-4 p.m., 33 Beach Road

Tuesday, September 17

Library open 3-6 p.m. 208 Main Street

AA Meeting 12:15 p.m., Community Building, 18 Searsmont Road

Wednesday, September 18

Lincolnville Historical Society Museum open, 1-4 p.m., 33 Beach Road

Library open 2-5 p.m.

Planning Board, 6 p.m., Town Office

Comprehensive Plan Review Committee, 6:30 p.m., Town Office