Pilot Distractions

Lamenting the Vernal Equinox with haikus

Thu, 03/20/2014 - 12:00pm

Pilot columnist and funnywoman Anneli Skaar recently put out a satiric Facebook event titled: This is BULL**** Equinox Festivities for all of us Mainers looking out the window today and marveling at this wonderfully warm, sunny spring-like day.

Her event intro reads: Enjoy a private celebration, by yourself, in your own home, celebrating the end of winter. Get crazy and buy some asparagus and tulips at Hannafords, open a window to air out the smell of gangrene and despair, and clear out the odor of cat *** from the usually unused litterbox. Get crafty with the kids by creating an effigy of Punxsatawny Phil out of chlorine damaged towels from the winter's 63 trips to the YMCA pool and throw them on the bonfire built out of your enthusiastic neighbor's skis. NOTE: Event may be cancelled due to weather.

Following that, she asked for a spring haiku and many in the community came up with great ones.

Brian Willson
Mama never said
There'd be days like this. And where's
The Easter Bunny?

Sarah Byrnes

Crocus I cannot
focus on your potential
eventual bloom

Holly Noonan

Ice blocks the rain drain
Garden's an icy swamp
Plant seedlings my a**.

Shannon Lynn Thompson

Ashen face, limp hair—
My hips as full as the moon.
At least it's pouring.

Anneli Skaar

Driving me to drink
Dark and Stormies until May
I have enough ice

Reader submissions to this story so far:

Susanne Ward

This deary dark day
masquerades as Spring's herald.
It cannot fool me.

Kay Stephens can be reached at news@penbaypilot.com