You know Cheap Dates is all for the adults, right? Stop right there if you think this is going to be some kids-running-around free for all, for I’ve got the inside scoop on how you and a sweetie or a good pal can get a hay ride and corn maze all to yourselves... muhahahah.

On Fridays, from noon to 5 p.m., Beth’s Farm Market on Western Road in Warren operates a good old-fashioned hay ride and opens their corn maze to the public. (They do this Saturday and Sunday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., too, but that’s when all the families are there.) The trick is, you have to go on a Friday between noon and 4 p.m. if you want the hay ride or the corn maze all to yourself. For $5 apiece, you get a hay ride and entry into the corn maze with a free apple and cup of cider after. Fabulous Cheap Date find right here, cha-ching.

Winston Williams, a long-term employee of Beth’s Farm Market is usually the one to drive the tractor, as it bumps down a dirt road, past apple trees with some of the most beautiful plummy colors you’ll ever see. The ride itself is only few minutes but word to the wise — wear long pants, ‘cause those hay bales are itchy.

Okay. About the corn maze. You might be thinking, eh... kids’ stuff. But have you ever seen the horror movie, Children of the Corn? Winston took one look at me and said: “It’ll take about an hour to get through. Here’s my cell phone number if you get lost.”

No joke. Winston will give you his cell phone number. One time a few years ago here, a woman and her two small children from New York got lost in the corn maze and called 911. The police had to come and find her. This is apparently a common occurance if you Google it.

But Winston’s got your back. He won’t leave the corn maze until you come out. So tra-la-la, in I go and through the maze I merrily traipse along until, I hear this swishing sound behind me. Turn to look. Nothing. Keep moving and the swishing starts again. Like the wind whispering through corn stalks you say? No, like some deranged child preacher named Malachi is behind me with a scythe. All of a sudden, there’s this tittering sound and I am officially creeped out until a murder of crows (murder!!) spills out from the tops of the stalks and flies directly above.

Now you see, with a sweetie by your side, all this fear and adrenaline can turn into some secret snuggies or a gale of laughter if you’re with your friends, but when you are by yourself in a corn maze and you’re embarassed to call Winston (and no way in hell you’re calling 911), things get a little dicey. I found a short cut and was out in 7 ½ minutes.

Winston: “Whoa, that was quick. You’re sure you don’t want to stay in longer?”

Me (run-walking) “I’m good.”

After you get back to the Farm Stand, be sure to browse around their store and load up on vibrantly colored fruits and vegetables like heirloom squash and Concord grapes. They even have fresh, unshucked oysters for a buck a pop in the back. Best place ever to have a great fall day together. But you only have a few more weekends left — they shut down the hay ride and Corn Maze after Halloween!

For more information on Beth’s Farm Market visit www.bethsfarmmarket.com or call 207-273-3695.

Kay Stephens can be reached at news@penbaypilot.com