Strictly speaking, none of us were raised by actual Victorians. I was a War Baby, married to a Depression Baby, sister to a Baby Boomer, mother to a trio of Generation Xers, daughter to a couple from the Greatest Generation (I like to imagine my mother was a Flapper; born in 1905 my dad missed both wars), and granddaughter to …. Victorians. Bear with me. I have a point to make.

Look up “Victorian” and learn that the era got its name from the reign of England’s Queen Victoria, who died in 1901 after 63 years on the throne. It was generally a time of prosperity, a time when the middle class became a thing, and with economic security for many, women were firmly ensconced as queen of the home.

They eagerly wrapped themselves and their children with a mantle of respectability and moral behavior. Men played along, at least while in sight of their wives, who, when they weren’t busily ornamenting every surface of their homes, were raising their girls to be demure, conventional, proper, and their boys to be responsible, conservative copies of their fathers.

Children were seen and not heard. Swear words were never uttered in a woman’s presence. Girls weren’t allowed to get dirty or sweaty; they had to wear dresses. Boys had fewer restrictions in that regard (though getting your mouth washed out with soap really happened), but were expected to be manly which meant never crying.

Think how much of this thinking survived the generations succeeding those Victorians.

I had two Victorian era grandmothers. Nanny, born in 1879, was cuddly and plump, a wonderful grandmother to a little girl, but still, she had all those Victorian expectations of children. Nana, born 1882 (Naawnaw we had to call her) on the other hand was cool (as in aloof), and wore spectacles that pinched onto her nose. She had literary sensibilities and pretentions in spite of a mid-life divorce that had cast her into genteel poverty.

The children of these two women – my mom and my dad – managed fine through the 40s and 50s, Dad firmly established in a Chicago insurance firm, and Mom raising my brother and me in the red brick suburban house I can still picture perfectly.

Then the 60s hit and nothing would ever be the same.

Maybe it was Elvis, though he surfaced in the 50s.

Popular Mechanics predicted a future when food would be made from sawdust, shopping done by picture-phone, televisions would hang on the wall, and a wristwatch that would be a communication center. Hmmmm.

Most of that and so much more has come true, but what nobody seems to have seen coming is how the Internet and our “devices” have changed us. The world-wide-web. Once upon a time people wrote letters, real writing on real paper we called stationary. Missives took days to arrive in the designated mailbox, often long, rambling letters detailing the family’s recent travails – Uncle Harry lost his job, Grandmother’s been sick, and the letter-writer hasn’t been feeling too “smart” either. I had a penpal in Wisconsin, a girl I never actually met, but we wrote faithfully to each other for years.

In my college days letters were replaced with the Sunday evening phone call home. Never more than once a week and placed collect (remember that??), from a semi-public payphone in the dorm hallway. An international call cost a fortune and lasted mere minutes. As a very recent convert to the cell phone, I’m not lamenting the convenience. I love my phone, just as a certain friend predicted. But how it changes things.

The web has brought everything – literally everything – into our homes, into the minds of our children. Once books considered too racy were banned, or at least difficult to find. Hardly the case today. Depictions of violence as well as actual, real violence are a click away. Pornography, once little more than a clandestine deck of cards with suggestive pictures, is twisting the psyches of both men and women with unrealistic expectations of sexuality.

Our parents, certainly our grandparents, would be shocked at the words that come out of our mouths, peppered helter skelter through our everyday speech. Gender identity issues; female doctors and lawyers, fire fighters and soldiers; diaper changing stations in the men’s room; same sex marriage; the loosening of Victorian values has been complete.

Yet, along the way we’ve come to know a bit about the psychology of raising children, that the wrong words from a parent can hurt for a lifetime. “You can’t carry a tune” my mother told me, and sure enough, I can’t to this day.

“You’re stupid” or “clumsy”, “homely” or “chubby.”

“You’re just like your father,” says a mother about the jerk who abandoned her.

“I was terrible at math, too,” says a father, giving his son an excuse to fail.

We’ve learned that spanking, slapping, any physical punishment can result in an adult who is abusive and violent.

We’ve learned that you can’t spoil a child by loving him too much, but you can by not allowing him to do things by himself, to grow up.

The Victorians would never know us.

Town

Karen Secotte, Deputy Town Clerk reminds us that it’s time to renew your dog’s license; the old one expires Dec. 31, 2018. Renew it at the Town Office or do it online. www.town.lincolnville.me.us Your dog has to have a current rabies certificate; verify that by calling the Office, 763-3555. As of February 1, 2019 there’s a state-mandated $25 late fee if you haven’t renewed. If your dog is deceased contact Karen so she can remove it from her records.

The December rabies clinic sponsored by the Waldo County Humane Society will be held on December 8, 2018 at the Burnham Town Office 9-11 a.m. Dr. Sarah Tomalty of Little River Veterinary Hospital will administer the shots. The Burnham Municipal building is located at 247 Horseback Road, Burnham.

Rabies shots are free to animals whose owners live in Waldo County. Pets from other counties are welcome to come for shots for a fee of $7.00. Donations will be gratefully accepted. Please bring all animals on leashes or in portable pet carriers. It is also important to bring proof of a previous rabies shot so your pet can receive a 3-year rabies certificate.

In addition to the rabies shots, coupon discounts toward the cost of having pets spayed or neutered will be available. For information about the clinics call 852-5033 or 323-6308.

School

There’s no school this week because of Thanksgiving.

Library

On Tuesday, Nov. 20 the Knitting & Needlework group will meet at 4 p.m. This crowd loves to gather weekly so they are happy to have the opportunity to get together this week—they are also happy to greet any who may wish to join them! Bring your knitting or crochet, embroidery or felting, any needlecraft you like, and come enjoy this warm and welcoming circle.

The Library will be open Wednesday 2-6 p.m. (closing a little early for Thanksgiving Eve), and closed Thursday (as usual) and also closed on Friday. 

Saturday the library will be open for its regular Saturday hours of 9 a.m. - noon. 

Have a fabulous week! Hope to see you at the library.

The Holiday Season Starts

Happy Thanksgiving to all! And remember, a week from Saturday, Dec. 1 is Christmas by the Sea week-end, along with our Beach Bonfire, Carol Sing, and Community Christmas party. More details next week!