Nathaniel Bernier's 'Pro Tips'

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 9:30am

Nathaniel Bernier, of Wild Rufus Consignments, scours obscure news articles daily finding oddball stories that he puts his own twist on. Read at your own risk.

1: Today's ProTip: if you're going to show up to your child's tennis match hammered, you probably shouldn't offer the booze to any of the other juvenile players. 20th July 2012

2: Today's ProTip: if you're a deputy sheriff tooling along in the county's cruiser, try not to run into other cars in the parking lot of WalMart due to being so whacked out on confiscated 'scripts' or you might be charged with a DUI and fired. 19th July 2012

3: Today's ProTip: if you're a teacher and you're doinking one of your students, try not to send text messages about meeting at home for sex, especially if the student's father intercepts the text message and meets you at the front door. 18th July 2012

4: Today's ProTip: if you've got stolen money in your purse, don't forget that you don't HAVE to show the cops when they ask you to open it- especially if you also have cocaine in there. 16th July 2012

5: Today's ProTip: if you're a motorcycle cop for the presidential motorcade you probably shouldn't boast to your fellow officers about how you want to shoot the First Lady and then show them a picture of the gun you intend to use. 13th July 2012

6: Today's ProTip: if you can't find your wallet you probably shouldn't call 911 and then threaten to kill the "whole police department" since they can't help you. 9th July 2012

7: Today's ProTip: if you are training your three-year olds to "ball up their fists" and encourage them to keep fighting, you probably shouldn't video it and then put it up on Facebook. 5th July 2012

8: Today's ProTip: if you're the host of an International exchange-student party, try not to show up drunk and agitated and then force your wife to shoot you in the head. 3rd July 2012