So I’m kneeling on the bathroom floor trying to remember how to scrub a toilet. I haven’t done this for decades. It was an agreement we’d come to the way so many of our disputes ended: I out-talked him. “There are four of you, one of me,” I pointed out, “and I sit to pee.”

Little boys and even grown men don’t always bother much with aim.

He had no answer for that. And that’s how he got toilet-cleaning duty.

Denial is the first stage of grief; I thought that meant you pretended it didn’t happen. But apparently it can mean numbness. I can’t see my husband’s face, can’t hear his voice. Numb.

 So I’m doing what I’ve always done, get busy.

I sort through the piles of paper that have accumulated everywhere during these last couple of weeks of illness and of death.

The cards, the wonderful cards from everywhere, the ghastly medical papers that I eagerly toss on the throw-out pile, the myriad notes-to-myself of all the stuff there is to do.

When, this Monday morning, the power went out at 4 just as I was getting up, I sat at the table by kerosene light and sorted. It feels good.

 I look out across the road and pretend I can see the glimmer of his blaze orange jacket moving through the trees, coming down off Frohock Mountain.

Every November for the 46 years we’ve lived here I’ve watched, sometimes anxiously, for that glimmer. Safe, he’s safely home again.

 Walking the dog on Ducktrap Road and we’re 30 years old again. He’s coming up the road with his cow, leading her home by her horns, after a wild chase right through our woods to Tanglewood Corner.

She with her udder flying and he cursing at the top of his lungs, right behind her. Now the two of them are doing the walk of shame, all the way home.

[A footnote: This cow was likely Wanda, the cow we bought from Leonard Lookner, Leonard who died in his sleep Saturday night, at 77, as was Wally.

Leonard loved that cow and she always came up in conversation whenever the two men ran into each other.]

 I find a huge jar of dry roasted peanuts, his favorite. What will I do with them?

 This is supposed to be a column of Lincolnville news. I promise not to keep this up, but for right now, for today It’s all I have on my mind.

His nephew in Augusta sent this video: facebook.com/MeirKay/videos/771228469682457

 One woman wrote: “We live in such a rich and dynamic community-everyone offering so much of themselves to make this place we call home, warm and wonderful -including your husband Wally.” Yes, he did, but so do most of us who live here, most of the time.

 At church yesterday as we spoke aloud the names of those needing prayers, the fellow who died alone in Thomaston, found months later behind the Dunkin Donuts, was mentioned. Nobody should ever be so alone, nameless and alone.

 Wally was literally surrounded by his family last Sunday evening when suddenly the five year old said in his clear voice: “Is Grandpa breathing? Is he dead?” Yes, we told him, yes he is.

Transfer Station/aka Dump

The Mid-Coast Solid Waste Corporation (our shared transfer station/solid waste handling facility) has created a survey to elicit responses from the public to identify suggestions and to measure areas of concern regarding the use of this facility.  Read more about it and see the survey here

 Contact Jim Guerra, the Facility Manager at 236-2467 or by email if you have any questions. David Kinney asks that we all take a couple of minutes to complete the survey.

King David’s Lodge

Randy Stearns writes: “Tuesday, Feb. 7 is the scheduled monthly meeting of Masons in Lincolnville. We meet at the Masonic Lodge on Howe Point Road,  the road that leads to Duck Trap. The weather doesn't sound great but I bet the meeting will go on. Dinner and fellowship at 6:30 p.m. .followed by the meeting at 7:30 p.m. If you are interested in learning more, ... stop by before the meeting. You will be welcomed in and given a free meal. No obligation, just a chance to meet a group of like minded men who are friends and ‘brothers’.”

Sewer District

 Children and parents are invited to come make valentine hangings and cards on Saturday, February 11 from 10 a.m. to noon at the Lincolnville Community Library. There will be plenty of paper, pipe cleaners, ribbon and other colorful decorations for everyone to make both strings of valentines that can be hung up and individual cards. Julie Turkevich puts together these fun, free craft-making mornings at the Library every month.

 The February Library Presentation and Concert will on Wednesday, Feb. 15 and will feature Lincolnville’s own poet, Paul McFarland and Heart ‘n’ Soul, a women’s barbershop group.

Community Building

Here’s the perfect winter diversion: ballroom dance classes are going to be held at the Community Building!

Mary Schulein writes: “Foxtrot is a fun and romantic ballroom dance. Join Sam and Marjorie Bartlett for a free introductory foxtrot lesson on Thursday, February 9th from 6:30-7:30 pm at the Community Building in Lincolnville (18 Searsmont Road.) There will be time for practicing after. Once you learn to foxtrot you really feel like a dancer!”

 Starting Thursday, Feb. 16 a six-week foxtrot course will be offered at the Community Building. Lessons will run from 6:30-7:30 pm with time to practice afterwards. Cost for the six week session is $40/person or $70/couple. To register, or for more information, call (207) 491-0444.

Contact Me

Email  or call, 789-5987, me if you know of an event going on in Lincolnville, tell me what birds are coming to your feeder, or anything else the rest of us might want to know. Staying in touch, talking with one another, is the healthiest thing we can do right now. If it seems like it’s a little crazy in our country, if one “side” isn’t talking to the other “side”, at least here in our own tiny corner of the world maybe we can do things differently. If there’s one thing Wally’s dying has shown me it’s that we really do care about each other. Your politics or my politics, they’re nothing when one of us is hurting or sad or scared.

Diane O’Brien