I'm sorry to announce that we're having refrigerator problems. It's a Kitchenaid that's probably 14 years old. Up to now, there have been no issues. Yes, the icemaker froze the drain up, but that was an easy fix and the cubes get down behind the container and make it so the freezer door won't close sometimes, but nothing as serious as this. I hate it when appliances malfunction. We get so comfortable with them that it's difficult to consider replacing them. At this point, I don't know if replacement is the answer, but something needs to be done.

It started with the mayonnaise. I don't put mayonnaise on anything so I have no idea where the mayonnaise resides in the fridge or even how it gets in the house, but one morning recently when I reached for the milk that has been on the door in the same spot for 14 years, there was the mayonnaise.

The milk was nowhere to be found.

Eventually, I found it behind the leftover meatloaf on the bottom shelf. The milk had never been on the bottom shelf before. Naturally, I though Kathy had made a mistake even though she doesn't drink milk. Possibly a baking or cooking error.

Kathy had no knowledge of the mayonnaise situation. Since this seemed very odd, I started monitoring the mayonnaise and noticed that it is constantly moving around in the refrigerator. One day it's on the bottom shelf, the next it's on the door. Then it appears on the top shelf or another spot on the door. Obviously something odd is going on in our refrigerator. It appears that the fridge is randomly moving things from one place to another with no clear plan.

An item such as mayonnaise should have a regular spot in the fridge that one can go to without even looking and pick it up. That's the way it used to be with the milk for my Cheerios. Not anymore. I look every time now to see what's taking up that spot on the door.

A more recent set of events is even more troubling. Our fridge has a meat locker. We have always put cheese in the meat locker. It seems to work well since we don't usually have enough meat in the fridge to warrant a locker. All that's in that drawer is cheese, except for an occasional package of pepperoni, which goes with cheese and is a meat, so therefore is complimentary.

After a shopping trip, I decided to go through the cheese drawer to be sure there was no green cheese in there and I discovered an onion. How or why the onion was in the cheese drawer is a mystery. Again, Kathy has no knowledge of the onion's location or even where the onion came from. Very troubling.

We have another drawer that's called a crisper. Actually there are two crisper drawers at the bottom of the fridge. One crisper has chocolate chips in it and is off limits to me. Kathy told me that she keeps the chocolate chips there and there is no reason for me to go in there. I trust her. The other crisper drawer has butter in it. Its' not at all near the cheese drawer, even though they're both dairy products. I went to get some butter out of that drawer and what do you suppose was in there? That's right! Another onion. And Kathy knows nothing about this onion either. I'm not going to look, but I'm betting there are no onions in the chocolate chip crisper drawer.

So, here we are with what yesterday was a perfectly operating refrigerator that now is clearly possessed. I hate the thought of going appliance shopping, but it may be the only recourse we have. There's no way I'm calling an appliance repairman to come take a look. I'm the butt of enough jokes already. Ain't nobody got time for that. We'll try to live with it for as long as we can. I'll no longer open the fridge if I don't have my contacts in.

Putting mayonnaise on my Cheerios would not start my day off well. There was one time when I poured orange juice on the Cheerios, but that's a completely different story that has nothing to do with the refrigerator.