You know me. I’m always looking for opportunities to fill a need and provide something unique and different from everyone else. I’ve got some time so I’ve decided to offer something brand new, that people can’t get anywhere else, Occupy U. That’s right, a school for folks who want to occupy something.

I’ve been watching these Occupy movements for quite some time and had several thoughts about them. The opportunity wasn’t clear until this latest incident in Oregon where some folks occupied a Federal Wildlife Refuge. There were complications. While I don’t want to take a stand for or against these Occupy events, I see a tremendous opportunity for education and we all know that an educated occupier is better than an uneducated occupier. That’s what Occupy U is going to be all about. It seems to me that when people get all emotional about something and rush off in haste, they could be leaving out some details or perhaps not realize some holes in their plan. I know you’re just sitting on the edge of your seat wanting to know more about this, so open an adult beverage, find a comfortable chair and follow along.

I don’t want to give away all the information that I’m going to charge occupiers for, but I’ll give you an overview of the basics.

First and foremost, occupy some place that is fun. You’re going to be there all alone for quite some time, so pick a place that’s going to fun. Also, it’s worth noting that once the occupation is over, you will be going to jail and that won’t be fun, so make the most of the occupation while you have the chance.

A few years ago, a movement that was kind of the beginning of the occupy thing was Occupy Wall Street. Really? Why would anybody want to occupy Wall Street? The people who go to work on Wall Street hate it. It’s a crazy place where things happen that nobody understands; even the professionals who say that they do don’t really know what it’s all about. And the people who do go there every day for work don’t seem like fun types. They’re all stressed out and they talk some sort of language that only other Wall Streeters understand, so this was a very poorly thought out plan.

The ranchers in Oregon are at a wildlife refuge. Now on the surface a wildlife refuge might sound interesting and fun if you thought it had something to do with a wild life, but it doesn’t. So, here’s the first tip: Don’t occupy a government building. Nothing fun happens there. The vending machines are almost always empty and if you take over the building and nobody else can go there to do their business, they don’t care. Much like Wall Street, most of the people that work in government buildings aren’t all that happy about coming to work, so why would you want to live there? You and a large group of friends could be so upset by the pictures on your driver’s licenses, but I wouldn’t suggest occupying the DMV.

So what do I suggest, you ask?

A theme park would be a good choice. They have lots of rides, food, and fun things to do while you’re occupying. Once the word gets out about your cause, the media will find you and you can be interviewed in front of some neat backgrounds at a theme park.

We don’t have theme parks here in Midcoast Maine. If you’re in a similar situation, look for a place that you would be happy spending days at. If I were to occupy a place here in the Midcoast it would either be Trackside Station or the Smokestack Grill. They have plenty of food and beverage on hand, big screen TVs so I can watch my media interviews, and there’s a lot to do during the downtime. This occupying thing is a lot like traveling and staying in a hotel. It sounds neat for the first day or two but after a week or so, it gets old, so pick you occupying location wisely.

I can’t stress this next tip enough.

When you plan your occupy event, think about how all of it will appear in the media. Media coverage is going to be key to you getting what you want. The media is going to cover you if you occupy some place, so be sure to put your best foot forward.

Here’s an example of how powerful Occupy U is going to be. Let’s look at the Wildlife Refuge occupation. After a short time, they were appealing for snacks! I don’t go anywhere without a snack or two and I certainly would have advised these folks to stock up on snacks because the vending machines at a government facility would likely be empty and it will be hard for the general public to get behind the cause of people who didn’t take snacks with them when they decided to occupy. That’s two strikes, right there.

Unfortunately for those folks, their occupying continued to unravel when an occupier took a government vehicle to Safeway, I assume to get the snacks that the public didn’t rush out to provide, and got arrested. He was 62. At 62 he should have known better. This won’t be portrayed well in the media.

I hope these tips help if you’re thinking of occupying some place in order to change the world. I am here for you. I believe in you and want you to be successful in your endeavors, but I’m not cheap. Trust me. Investing in Occupy U will be the best thing you ever did. I accept only cash or local checks.

I look forward to making your next occupy event a successful one.