Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy. Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

Here's something I'll bet you never had to deal with. Just this past Mother's Day, my four brothers and sisters and I decided to surprise our widowed mom by visiting all at once. We knew where she kept the key hidden under the pot and so let ourselves in. We snuck upstairs, heard the television on in her room and figuring she was awake, we opened the door yelling, ‘Surprise!’

It turns out that we found Mom in a somewhat compromised situation with a gentleman neighbor. As if that wasn't bad enough, our little surprise gave him a stroke, mid-stroke, if you get my meaning. The short of it is, Mr. Smith is paralyzed down the left side of his body and my mother feels responsible to care for him. Do you think that's the case? Should she be caring for him? We await your answer.

Signed, Bad timing

Dear Bad,

I am speechless. Sex with the TV on? What could possibly be on the air on a Sunday morning that is worth watching while.... Now, when I was younger, all America was doing it to Johnny Carson, but that was 11:30 at night.

As to you mother feeling responsible for Mr. Smith's condition, maybe you should consider how she feels. What woman wouldn't want to think she gave a man a stroke. Why would you and your siblings even consider taking that privilege away from her? Can you imagine the bragging rights your mother has at her Canasta Club as a result of putting Mr. Smith in a wheel chair? As she pushes her lover around at the market can you imagine her beaming with pride, this is all about my power as a woman— plus your mom gets to use Mr. Smith's handicap parking permit.

No, I say you've done enough already, and if ever you and your siblings visit me, please knock first. –O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I'm an only child and don't have anyone to really discuss this with. This past year my 62-year-old divorced father shocked me when he transitioned from male to female. To say I'm still stunned is an understatement. Leading up to Mother's Day, I debated with myself, do I send her flowers or wait until Father's Day and get something the way I've done my entire life. Even then, what would I get this parent of mine? As it happened, I just kind of let Mother's Day go by and sent my real mom some flowers.

Signed, Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

Yikes, what a brave new world we are living in. So many iconic lines being blurred. Personally, I find it's very good for advice columnists because back in the old times there was only one way to do things, but now?

My best guess is that your dad is still your dad and will not want to be treated any differently by you. But here's a good idea, ask. Find out how he views his new role in relationship to you.

Now, for all of you readers out there who may think I'm not using my gender nouns correctly, well sorry. Besides the fact that all this stuff is going to take me some time to get used to, I don't like what political correctness is doing to English. So until the day I die I will always refer to a boat as a she, with or without a bowsprit! —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I have a 1972 Dodge Dart, The car is creampuff but I can't seem to find an original gas cap. I've looked all over the Internet and tried eBay, too. Do you have any sources? Thanks.

Signed, Capless in Seattle

Dear Capless,

I haven't been there for a while, but in Brooklyn, on Coney Island Avenue, just off Kings Highway, there's a shop called Mel's Gas Caps. It's all he sells. Melvin doesn't have a phone so you'll have to drive down there and parking can be a bear. That said, if anyone has what you need, it's him. As a footnote, for some reason the Dodge Darts were always having their caps stolen. Every other block you'd see another Dart with a rag stuffed in the neck of the fill pipe. I would suggest that using a rag is not the best solution unless you are going to a car show and want to be completely authentic. Happy motoring! —O.G.