Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

You don't look so old, as age is relative. But, how did you get so smart to solve all problems? I really do not have any that I cannot solve, but what do you eat for brain food?

Signed, Babie D

Dear Babie,

I have to admit I am not as old as the picture shows. As to being so smart? Anyone can be smart if he or she just pays attention to life. People and chemistry aren’t that different. Some folks learn from reading, friends or personal experience that you should never mix bleach and ammonia… it makes a deadly gas. Some people don’t know aout that, though the information is out there. In short, if you pay attention in life you will gain some basic wisdom and how to apply it. Oh, back to the age thing. I write this column under a nom de plum. Some day it may save me from a madman whose teacher I suggested report him to the police. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

About a year ago a good friend of mine married a man who by every definition is mentally deranged. I tried to talk her out of going through with the nuptials and my husband did, too; in fact everybody we know in common agrees, including our pastor, that the guy is psycho. I wish it was just that he was boorish or obnoxious but it is easy to picture Boris biting the heads off kittens or setting churches on fire. And even though his juvenile records are sealed there are people who knew him from “back then” and they have stories to tell. So, I guess my question is, how can I get through to Cindy that the guy is no good?

Signed, She should know better.

Dear She should know better,

You can do very little short of framing this guy for a crime he didn’t commit and getting him locked up for life. If you need to know how to do that mail me a self addressed envelope through this paper. If you live in a small town it isn’t that hard to do.

If you don’t want to send away for my first suggestion then all that remains is for you to keep a safe distance from your friend. Let her know from time you are around for her when she makes the inevitable discovery for herself. I understand that is a hard course to follow. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Last year, I began to date a beautiful woman. I have a 10 year-old and she two kids, 11 and 12. The issue is she wants to move in with me but that means that she bringing all her chaos and troubles with her ex-boyfriend into my fairly stable home. As I said, this lady is really good looking and I may never get another shot at someone like this. Do you think it would be possible that if she moves in I could be the force of stability in her life that will make our relationship work? I am willing to go the distance.

Signed, Did I mention how good looking she is?

Dear Did I, 

Yes you mentioned how good looking this woman is several times. I would like to give you some advice but let me throw up first.

OK, I’m back. Don’t let this woman anywhere near your kids. You have one job and that is raising your own. I say that with some hesitancy. Even though I don’t know your kid’s mother I pray you release all parental rights to her so that there is less chance they grow up as shallow as you. Best of luck, —O.G.