Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy, 

We just moved into our new apartment in lovely downtown Camden Village. The sink in the bathroom runs at a reasonable flow to brush one's teeth in, however the sink in the kitchen is comparably a slow trickle. I suppose my question would be: Which way do I turn the knobs at the water main UNDER said sink to activate what amazing water pressure I know might be there? Thank you for your reply,

               Sincerely, Pressure makes Perfect

Dear Pressure,

Interesting question and welcome to the hood. If it’s a simple valve issue turn it counterclockwise all the way. But, you didn’t mention if the water problem is both the hot and cold. If that’s the case, I’d take a look at the aerator screen in the faucet. Even on town water it can be plugged with debris. Unscrew it and check to see if it’s full of rust or sand. If it is I’ll bet you can take it from there… and remember, lefty loosy righty tighty. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Whenever I get around members of the opposite sex I loose control of my brain, get stupid and turn into a babbling idiot. Needless to say it’s impossible for me to ask a girl out on a date. I’m in my 20s and my friend’s think I’m pathetic.  This is a real problem and at this rate I’ll never loose my…

            Signed the Virgin Marty

Dear Virgin,

Wow. Let me catch my breath and think. OK. The good news. You may loose control of your brain but you still are holding on to your bodily functions, which means you are not dealing with some kind of pheromone induced seizure.

Now, in the old days, when I was in the Navy, I had a buddy with a similar issue. He couldn’t wait for shore leave but then, when we’d finally met up with some dames, all he could do was stammer incomprehensibly. So to help him through his fears one of the lieutenants volunteered to dress up as Greta Garbo so my friend practice talking to a girl… Oddly enough the two hit it off. Now a days they call it Don’t Ask Don’t Tell but back then you were just helping out a shipmate.

I don’t think the above solution is for you. Clearly you are in such a panic about being liked that you spiral out of control… and the stupider you come off the stupider you become. First, a change in attitude is in order. Instead of going into these situations thinking, Gee, I hope she likes me, turn it around. You have to think, Gee, I hope I like her. Secondly, try meeting females in a less stressful environment. In a bar or a party you are more likely to be a nervous wreck. If you are volunteering at a soup kitchen or some such thing you are meeting females on an equal footing and if nothing else you have something in common to talk about. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I have a coworker who under normal circumstances is an absolute bore. Well, recently I ran into her at a pot luck supper and she had made the most delicious eggplant. After I complimented her I asked for the recipe, a request which I made several times. Well, she ignored me and I never did find out. Why would she do that?

                   —Signed Wants to cook

Dear Wants, Perhaps it is you who are the bore, or to use an appropriate cliché, the pot is calling the kettle black. —O.G.

Confidential to Alarmed: Your sister is not a doctor. The green color does not indicate healing. Time to remove the leeches and visit a professional. —O.G.