Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

First of all, I want to thank you for answering my question about the Golden Years. Your answer was enlightening but it got me thinking about another term I have recently heard and find confusing. A friend moved to Florida and started referring to the people living close by in a retirement community as Q-Tips. Being from Smalltown, Maine, I have never heard anybody being referred to as a "Q-Tip" and was wondering what that is all about?

Signed, Looking for a Q-Tipster

Dear Q-Tipster,

Are you back again!? Well, I used some of my contacts at the Florida Board of Slang and this is what they told me. The term Q-Tip was originated by the local police. It refers to what little old white haired ladies look like when behind the wheel of their cars. I suspect with little effort you can picture that quite well. I think there’s a few right here on Route 1 so you need look no further! —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I was out on a second date with Emmet the other night. Things seemed to be going well. I mean the conversation was interesting and he shut off his phone and did nice old fashioned things that my mother always told me decent guys should do. But…

About halfway through the main course Emmet called the waitress over, pointed at his plate, and told her there was a spider in his salad. There was. A big dead one. The waitress was apologetic and hurried the food away. I swear, when she did, my date winked at me. Shortly afterwards the manager cam over and told us that diner was on the house. My date winked at me again and it was then I knew for sure what I suspected from the beginning. He put that spider on his food. I’m 99 percent sure, anyway. My question is, do I really want to go out with this guy again?

Signed, Too many legs in my food

Dear Too many legs,

Well, I suppose if Emmet were less of a gentleman he might have placed the spider on your plate. What he pulled was one of the oldest tricks in the book. Most restaurants these days are on to it and the most you’ll get for your trouble is the waitstaff plucking the bug out of your dish with a cheerful there you go… In the fancy joints they take the bug away rather than fling it to the floor. I was even in one place where two waiters and a manager denied that there was a fly in my soup. OK, so I had ordered alphabet soup and spelled f-l-y and they were not amused.

So, yes, go out with Emmet again. If this is his worst shortcoming then you could do worse. The fact that you went out with him in the first place and then tried a follow up date tells me just how few guys you have to pick from… and please, that is not meant as anything against you. From everything I see it’s clear that, at least around here, there are very few guys to choose from. Ladies, care to weigh in? —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

My dad is addicted to sports. Not playing them but watching them on TV. There is always a game on and it blasts so loud I can’t even get my homework done. When I’m at his house we never do anything and on the weekends that I’m with him it’s more sports. I’m in eighth grade, a girl, and I’ve told my mom that I want to live with her fulltime but she says that’s not allowed according to the legal agreement. How do I convince her?

Signed, Sports Orphan.

Dear Sports Orphan,

The constant drone of a TV is bad enough, That it’s on all the time is worse and what’s worse still is that you have a parent who is completely addicted to sports. I would start by explaining to you mother that at your age the parenting agreement she signed, however long ago, is not working. I believe if you went before a judge and explained your preference as to which parent you lived with there is a likelihood that you would get your wish. If nothing else maybe it will help wake your father up to the fact that he has a serious problem and it’s taken over his life.

Please try what I suggest and remember, good kids grow up in spite of their parents. —O.G.