I don’t consider myself some sort of grammar nut. I read stuff and think, “that’s not right,” but rarely correct people. When it’s funny or makes no sense, I’ll be the first to jump on board and point it out. I don’t do it out of any feeling of superiority, I just do it because it strikes me funny. That’s all. And feel free to point out any grammatical mistakes I make. It will be received in good spirits.

Lately, I’ve noticed a trend in journalism that is troubling to me. Either I don’t get it, which is entirely possible, or there is something terribly wrong here. The word is “allegedly” and it looks to me like it’s getting butchered. The word is used to report crimes that were allegedly committed because people are innocent until proven guilty. I get that. Reporters seem to be protecting themselves from some sort of legal action when they write about almost everything that happens in the cops and courts world these days.

A recent article about a drug bust in Waterville reported that some cat was allegedly in possession of cash and some pills. The cops also allegedly found $5,000 in a woman’s bra. Another cat involved in this deal allegedly was concealing a 45 caliber hand gun. And the cops allegedly found drugs in the apartment that they searched in connection with this whole incident. Here’s where it gets really interesting: The article reports that agents allegedly purchased drugs from these folks as part of an undercover investigation. It appears that what tied the whole thing together and blew the case wide open is that the bad cat has a SpongeBob Squarepants tattoo that linked him to the whole thing.

So SpongeBob Squarepants allegedly came to Maine from New York City and stirred up some trouble in the Elm City. His killer tat that made him somebody in the Big Apple made him stand out in Waterville, Maine. I can’t wait to hear what his defense is.

SpongeBob is just an example of something that is really out of control here. Holly and Lynda, please pay attention: You’re not guilty, but I’m watching. Once the cops are involved, stuff is no longer allegedly. All the stuff reported in the above article is not alleged. The cops did find the dope. They did find the money in the bra. They did find the gun on the guy, and they bought the dope. All of that can and will be challenged in a court of law, but either the cops did and saw what they did and saw or they didn’t. There is no allegedly.

Whatever they accuse SpongeBob of will be allegedly, but what happened during the arrest, happened. If we don’t get this reined in, there could be an epidemic.

“SpongeBob Sqarepants was allegedly driving west on Route 17 in allegedly snowy conditions when the 2010 Ford Explorer that he was allegedly operating allegedly left the road due to allegedly slippery road conditions. Deputy John Smith allegedly responded and determined that allegedly there were no injuries. Allegedly a tow truck was called and said tow truck allegedly removed the alleged vehicle from the ditch and the alleged operator continued on to his alleged destination.”

Can we get a handle on this before it becomes a real problem?