I write this on Mother’s Day, another Hallmark Holiday to some I am sure — the woman responsible for the modern holiday, Anna Jarvis, certainly felt this way later in her life — but I think it is a dang important one. We all came into this world the same way.

How we feel about the person who brought us into this world is as varied as anything. I am blessed to have had an amazing mother, and to have married a woman who would become an amazing mother, and who brought with her an amazing mother-in-law.

In my 24-year career in social work I have born witness to the more complex mothering roles. Adoptive moms, stepmoms, surrogate moms, mothering figures without official recognition. Mothers who realized that they were not able to be the mother their child needs, for whatever reason, and made the unbelievabley selfless choice to allow their child to be raised by another. The absent moms, the unsupportive moms, the moms who left this world far too early. 

Treading somewhat carefully in addressing such a gendered role, and recognizing that the role of mother is incredibly complex, I want to talk about moms.

As kids, we always referred to my mother as “Cat”, now “Gramma Cat.” I’m sure my dad was behind this title, but it fits. Growing up with a barn full of cats, before it was common to spay and neuter the feral beasts, the cats represented the epitome of motherhood (the Toms never stuck around). 

As kids, it was our role to attempt to tame the kittens, but this meant we first had to locate them. The mama cats would hide the kittens as fast as we discovered them, carrying them by the scruff of their necks one by one to the new “nest”. Eventually, of course, the kittens would start venturing out on their own, but it was always important to get to them as early as possible, to acclimate them to humans. 

In the best of circumstances, mothers watch out for and protect their children, even as they start venturing out on their own. Talking to my own wife, she brought up the complicated feeling of carrying a life within you for so many months before that fetus becomes a baby, literally sharing your body.

There is no better examples of moms being moms than in a children’s hospital. I have mentioned before that year where my family spent a lot of time in this setting, from Eastern Maine (now Northern Light), to Boston Children’s, to the Barbara Bush Children’s Hospital at Maine Medical Center.

Not that there aren’t fathers in these settings, but the vast majority — staying sometimes for weeks and months at their sick child’s side — are mothers.

During that year of my middle boy’s illness, his mom was at his side whenever he was hospitalized, e.g., the majority of 2013. Yeah, I was home with the other two, not quite two and not quite five, but I had mothers to help. My mother and my mother-in-law, my wonderful friend and neighbor Pat Shannon, our daycare lady Cheryl Milner, and all the (mostly) moms who brought over meals for when I got home with the kids.

But being sequestered with a young child dealing with the effects of high dose chemotherapy did not stop my wife from being a mom. She insisted he be polite with the doctors and nurses who poked and prodded him. As one of the significant side effects of one of the drugs was the tightening, sometimes permanently, of the Achilles tendon, my wife made her sick and cranky three-year-old walk every day, sometimes through tears. It worked, because today he runs.

Separated from her other two children, every weekend that they weren’t able to be home, we visited the hospital, where they could bask in the love of their mother. I still have the image burnt in my brain of the elevator doors opening up to the Barbara Bush Hospital floor, and the happy squeal as my toddler tore down the hallway, dodging nurses, to where his mother was waiting outside his big brother’s room.

It was my wife’s unflappable strength and positivity, even when things were the darkest, which has left so many happy memories of that terrible year.

Just as I was not doing it alone at home, my mother-in-law, when not watching the other two children while I worked, was there with her daughter and grandchild at the hospital, offering emotional support and the advice of a highly skilled nurse. And I would be remiss not to mention my sister-in-law, who was in 2013 not yet the mom she would become, and would bring home cooked dinners to the hospital, and, memorably, set up an Easter Egg hunt in the bedsheets of her nephew’s hospital bed.

So, so much love to the moms. To the moms worried about their children, missing their children, grieving their children. The moms who never got the chance to be a mom, but wanted to. To those missing their moms, who never knew their moms, who never had a mom.

Hallmark Holiday aside, honor the person you consider your mother, every day.

Lincolnville Flea Market

This coming Saturday, May 18, begins the 11th season of the Lincolnville Center Indoor Flea Market, which will be held from 8-12 at the Community Building, at 18 Searsmont Road. Sponsored by the Lincolnville United Christian Church, come check out the crafts, antiques, and baked goods.

Knox County Teacher of the Year

Lincolnville resident Jim Morse has been named the Knox County Teacher of the Year, and will be considered with teachers from the other 15 counties for Maine Teacher of the Year, announced in the Fall. Mr. Morse teaches social studies at Camden Rockport Middle School, and I recently had the opportunity to meet him, and was impressed with his compassion and commitment to his students, and not at all surprised when I later heard he was named for this honor.

School Budget Town Meeting

At 6 p.m. Thursday evening, at LCS, town residents are invited to vote on the proposed school budget for the 2024-25 year.

The proposed budget will then be put before the voters at the June ballot. I would argue that our school is the most important way we use out tax dollars, and I had a front row seat to the incredibly challenging process of formulating a budget that will serve our students and responsibly use the town’s finances.

Looks like the weather is holding out, so I am going to go fire up the pellet smoker and cook some food for some of the amazing moms in my life. Be good, Lincolnville, be kind and understanding. Reach out at ceobrien246@gmail.com.

CALENDAR

Monday, May 13

Land Use Committee, 4 p.m. Town Office

Recreation Committee, 4 p.m. Town Office

Select Board, 6 p.m., Town Office

Five Town CSD Budget Meeting, 7 p.m., Bisbee Theater, Camden Rockport Middle School

Tuesday, May 14

Library open 3-6 p.m. 208 Main Street

Heart and Soul Team, 12 p.m., Library

AA Meeting 12 p.m., Community Building, 18 Searsmont Road

Wednesday, May 15

Library open 2-5 p.m. 

Cemetery Trustees, 5:30 p.m., Town Office

Comprehensive Plan Review Committee, 6:30 p.m., Town Office

Thursday, May 16

Special Town Meeting, 6 p.m., LCS

Friday May 17

AA Meeting 12 p.m., Community Building, 18 Searsmont Road

Library open 9-12, 208 Main Street

Saturday, May 18

Library open 9-12, 208 Main Street

Sunday, May 19

United Christian Church, 9:30 a.m. Worship, 18 Searsmont Road

Bayshore Baptist Church, 9:30 a.m. Sunday School, 11:00 worship, 2648 Atlantic Highway