Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy. Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

Greetings! I'm not surprised to learn that other local papers have decided to add advice columnists, or that they have completely missed the point. Most of us don't need trenchant advice as much as we need encouragement to listen to others, and to listen to ourselves complaining about the same ole stuff we're not willing to change. So much easier to insist that those other people need to change first! But mostly, what I appreciate is your humor; it's a lifesaver. The first thing I read in the paper every day is the funnies. My husband used to get hold of them first, so he could read me his favorites. Carry on with the attitude adjustment, please!
Signed C.B.

Dear C.B.
Thanks for your show of appreciation. It rarely pays to give advice. Even when sought, people (and sometimes pets) rarely listen. Too may times I've had dear friends ignore wisdom in exchange for reactionaryism... I just made that word up. Anyway, they keep making the same bad choices over and over again, seemingly in spite of their own self interest. Proof is in whom we have for elected officials! That's all I'll say on that subject... oh, except for one more thing: Clearly you miss your husband very much but I can tell from where I sit, and by a clairvoyant I occasionally consult, that he was a very lucky man. Stay warm, it's just dreadful out there! —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,
I have a plethora of lady bugs in my domain. I love all creatures big and small but they are beginning to bug me, what do I do?
Signed, Bug ged

Dear Bug ged,
I know the problem well. Some mornings, during fall, I have to plow through the ladybugs with my windshield wipers so I can see to get out of the driveway.
Alright, enough about me. Normally, I would recommend using lots of toxic sprays and bombs inside and outside the house. It's kind of like treating cancer where, if you outlive the ladybugs... well, you get the picture.

But I won't recommend that solution in your case because, as you mentioned, you love all creatures big and small.

So how about we use the wonders of the natural food chain to solve your problem. Here's a pip: All kinds of creatures eat ladybugs including wasps, tree frogs, ants and dragon flies. Goodness knows we have access to those sorts of things in this neck of the woods; but assuming you don't want to create another insurmountable infestation, it also turns out that swallows are known to consume ladybugs. Therefore, may I suggest that you do what you must to make your yard inviting to swallows. Build little swallow platforms, birdbaths, open trash pails, that sort of thing.

Eventually, enough of the birds should come to take care of the ladybutt population. Tee-hee I typed ladybutt by accident.

Anyway, once the birds have made quick work of the ladybugs bring around the cats, then the dogs and, well you get the picture. The point is, though it's more work, you will have communed with nature to resolve the issue. Now listen, this isn't the end of it. Stay in touch because next fall I plan to experiment by playing different kinds of pop music in the house to drive the ladybugs away. Worth a try before I find myself with an antelope problem... again. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,
Last week a friend of mine, Sally went to the doctor for a routine visit. While there, a lump was discovered. Of course the doctor wanted to do a biopsy but my friend is terrified of both the procedure and what she may find out. How do I convince Sally to get done what needs to be done?

Signed, Help my Sally

Dear Help my,

Recently my wife and I had a big argument about a lump. Finally she won by turning off the television and I left to find something else to do.
You bribe, cajole, intimidate and otherwise trick or threaten in order to see Sally follow through. Sometimes days and weeks make a difference in the outcome. If need be, do one of those interventions where everyone she knows comes to the house to support and convince Sally that her follow through is imperative. Do not back off! Oh, yeah, one more thing. Don't try the it's probably nothing approach. Send the message to her it's something. That way if, God willing, the lump turns out to be nothing and you said it's something she will get to say, See, told you so and that will give her great pleasure. Good luck and it's probably nothing... —O.G.