Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy

I have a friend Debbie who is going through a rough time at the all-female office. Her coworkers are ganging up on her because, you know, women get tribal and beat on the scapegoat. It's like high school. I tell her, smile at them and plug in some earbuds. Should she fight back?     

            Signed, “For a friend”

Dear For a friend,

I like the earbuds idea. Nothing will get Debbie fired from that awful place faster than wearing those things on the job. After that she’ll be free to look for work in a happier environment. For now, if your Debbie is going to stay in this job she should take a look at why she’s the scapegoat. I hate to blame the victim but sometimes people undeservedly bring bad stuff on themselves by standing out in a way the others don’t like.

Something tells me this office situation is not the first time your friend has had a hard time. For example, if your Debbie is single and all the other women are unhappily married then that makes your friend easy prey. If Debbie can figure this out and remedy how she presents herself at the next job; e.g., tell every one she just went through a bitter divorce and say no more about it, then that will create a sense of camaraderie. I know for a fact this approach works. Good luck to you and your friend.—O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Do men really just want a mother in every form of a woman, at every stage of life? Someone to set things right? I don't get it.

                  Signed, All in one

Dear All in one,

           Honey, please don’t write me here… but since you wrote, can you make a meatloaf tonight? —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

First off, it's a tricky mess getting to the right page to write to you. Please ask your I.T. peeps to make it simpler. Thanks. Now for my question: 

My wife and I are discovering that our 12 year child is consistently lying to us. How do we break this habit?

          Signed, Worried ma and pa

Dear Worried,

Yikes, you’re only finding out now? Children start lying at a much earlier age than any of us imagine. To work with this issue you may have to do a bit of homework based on the following:

Why do kids lie? Sometimes it’s a defense mechanism—

I didn’t eat the ice-cream in the freezer....

I don’t know why my hamster died or who attached those wires to his head....

Not just me, everyone in class failed the test.

Then there are the lies used to avoid and distract. These are often meant to kick the blame back at the parent—

I finished cleaning my room so if there’s food under the bed maybe it’s because you were in there after me....  

You weren’t listening, I practiced my music for an hour....

I took out the garbage so I have no idea why it’s back in the house.

Nothing makes your own child feel like a stranger faster than hearing untruths come out of their mouths. You didn’t mention in what situations you’re kid is lying. Take a look at the kind of lie your kid is telling. See if they reap the rewards of their lie. In the case of defensive lies ask yourself if your kid would actually tell the truth if your reaction would have been over the top. That could be one explanation. In most cases the punishment should be for the lie not some minor infraction.

Finally, children often lie to cover their own insecurities—

I’m the best dancer in the school play … and you can see quite plainly it’s not true…

I can run five miles and not loose my breath …a nd you’ve never seen your child walk a mile without complaining.

These last named sorts of lies can best be addressed by helping your kid find that thing they are good at. Real skill and confidence in something allows the false braggadocio in other things fall by the wayside. —O.G.