Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy. Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

I am a computer programmer. I live in a world of ones and zeros. My career choice suits me perfectly. I am having trouble forming lasting relationships. Recently, I met a woman. Also a programmer. I told her I love her. She asked, Are you sure? I was surprised by the question. Do I tell her yes or hit cancel?

Signed, Rebooted

Dear Rebooted,

I am going to reboot you right in the butt! Run, don’t walk, from this job. Join the Peace Corps, become a sanitation worker, hop the rails with a traveling carnival, anything that teaches you about people. I have no idea how you ended up the way you are but it’s time to stop hiding behind absolutes. Do what I suggest and the next time a you tell a woman you love her there will be no doubt in her mind! —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

My father passed away eight years ago. My mother, who never could make a decision in her life, never had a memorial service for him, would not let my brother and I arrange one and she has held our father’s ashes hostage in his clothes closet ever since.

My brother thinks it’s time to kidnap our dad and have a service, a memorial or something. It’s been so long it would be hard to pull together those who knew him so it would just be a private thing; but, we couldn’t invite our mother if we did it that way. What would you suggest?

Signed, Buried with anxiety

Dear Buried,

Ashes are ashes. Arrange a memorial without them and invite your mother. Maybe at the last moment she will come to her senses and bring your father along with her. Many condolences. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Maybe you’ve experienced this. There’s a breakfast joint I go to on a regular basis, pretty much daily, in fact. A cute waitress works there maybe a third of my age, who I could swear is flirting with me. I’m 60, single and would like to hint that I’d be open to getting to know her. Is there a good way to go about this?

Signed, Give it a try?

Dear Give it,

Hang me now. I’ve really had enough. OK, I don’t get paid if I just chastise you. I have to give advice so, for the sake of paying my monthly bills, I’ll answer your question.

Here are the possibilities when a girl that young smiles at a guy your age. You are either very rich and generous, you remind her of her sweet old grandfather, she feels sorry for you and is doing her good deed for the day or, and this is the big one… she’s your waitress. Duh! Now go out there and pick on someone your own size. —O.G.