Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

Since you had that letter the other week about the husband who liked to leave the plumber’s helper next to the potty I thought I would put in my two cents. George has a nasty habit of taking the last thin little sliver of soap in the shower and grinding it into the new bar. It’s not like he grew up in the Depression, but he says he hates to waste anything. I find it gross. What gives and how do I make him stop?

Signed, Sudsy Susan

Dear Sudsy Susan,

Wow, the letter you refer to really opened a can of worms. Read on—

Dear Old Guy,

Forget the toilet seat up or down controversy. I gave up on that one a long time ago. My husband does something that is really driving me and the kids crazy. While taking a shower he takes the half empty bottles of hair products and fills one with the other until full. It looks like he’s working in a chemistry lab. My daughter is going nuts because she has a special conditioner that she likes, which is not to be confused with the shampoo brand I use, or my son’s hair stuff. Hubby says it’s stupid to have all the half empty bottles around because it’s all pretty much the same crap. My best friend tells me my husband is being passive aggressive because he’s losing his hair. What’s the answer?

Signed, Alchemist’s Wife

Dear Old Guy,

I really love my girlfriend, Betty, but she makes me nuts by using my razors. On top of that, she hand washes her unmentionables in the sink then hangs them on the shower rod and everywhere else in the bathroom. When I go in with just the nightlight on the pantyhose looks like Spanish Moss hanging down all over the place. Many is the midnight run when I’ve ended up with panties on my head. We get along in every other way. What should I do?

Signed, Razor Burn

Dear Razor Burn, Alchemist’s Wife, Sudsy Susan and the hundreds of other people who wrote in complaining of a partner’s bathroom habits,

It seems that couples who get along on just about every level seem to fail in the bathroom. There have been extensive studies on this. The most notable was conducted in 1969 by Masters and Johnson on behalf of the American Bathroom Counsel, the Porcelain Safety Group and Plumbers United. Unfortunately, the findings were hidden until recently obtained by the Washington Post using the Freedom of Trivial Information Act passed by Congress under George Bush Jr.

What the 3,000-page study found was, to quote the report, that not only do most home accidents occur in the bathroom, but that the very room itself is at the core of most domestic disputes. The numbers are telling:

Husband/Wife Disputes - 39 percent

Father/Daughter Disputes - 18 percent

Sister/Brother Disputes - 17 percent

In-law/Host Disputes - 11 percent

Owner/Pet Disputes  - 8 percent

Undecided - 7 percent

Furthermore, the Master’s study listed the reasons that the family bathroom is a place of domestic unrest. The most contentious follow:

-Not replacing the toilet paper when you use up the roll

-When replacing the roll making sure the paper comes off the top

-Missing the wastebasket with used Q-tips

-Leaving the last shards of soap stuck in the tub drain

-Taking too long; what are you doing in there anyway?

-Not lighting a match

-Fogging the mirror

-Not rinsing the tub when you’re done

-Getting the floor soaking wet after a shower

-Leaving dirty underwear on the floor in the puddle you made from the shower

-Leaving panties to dry on the curtain rod

-Toothpaste stuck to the sink basin

-I don’t want to step on your toenail clippings in my bare feet

-Will you wait a minute, I’m almost done reading this article

-You left the seat up again

-Hey, your not doing drugs in there, are you?!

I am certain if the study were repeated today, it would include something about taking selfies.

Anyway, with all the hostility centered around the family bathroom it’s little wonder that the Master’s study sponsors buried it. Naturally they feared that rather than Americans investing in their bathrooms with new fixtures and remodels, they would stop using them entirely.

Of course, we understand today those fears are not grounded in fact. What the American Bathroom Counsel and other associated corporations have since learned is that bathroom habits are the hardest to break. No matter what is known about the dangers and unhappiness caused by bathrooms people will continue to use them. — O.G.