Dear Old Guy: Polly want an answer

Sun, 02/15/2015 - 6:00pm

Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy. Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.


Dear Old Guy,

I have this good friend who is rich and I am not. The problem is, she is always foraging around my house for things, not expensive things mind you, but things she wants and then guilts me into giving the item up. I really like the woman and do try to set boundaries but she pushes. She does not like to be told no. What to do? Move to another state? By the way Old Guy, I read your column religiously, even though there is sometimes a sarcastic bent to some of your answers, I find them witty and filled with wisdom, which I can only assume comes with advanced age.

Signed P. A. H.


Dear P.

          I am glad to know you read this column religiously. Yes, sometimes I am sarcastic but hopefully only in a fruitful way. As to my advanced age? Boy, if you only knew!

          There is no need for you to move away. I’ve known women like your friend. They come with a sense of entitlement and don’t see any problem with having others present them with gifts of frankincense and myrrh or the occasional Hummel. For your friend, it isn’t about a particular item. It’s about her feeling wanted and the little emotional boost that comes with some new trinket. In short, this is a very empty person.

          So here’s the deal. Since your friend has been sharing her feelings about your stuff, it’s time you shared yours. Before she comes over next time, put those little yard sale stickers on everything in the house. Oh, I really like the idea! Then again, if doing so makes you uncomfortable then just tell this friend that you are flattered she likes your things and that it would be a fun idea for the two of you to hit the flea markets and yard sales when spring comes. Whether or not she takes you up on the offer is neither here nor there. What it will do is give her a hint, in a lateral sort of way, that you have caught onto her pattern and are not pleased.

Lastly, ask your friend to write to me for my address. She can come over when my wife isn’t home and help herself to all the little chatchkies she’d like. —O.G.


Dear Old Guy,

This isn't a question, it is a statement! I got a real giggle out of how you handled the 14 year-old girl in private school. I thought it was handled very well. GREAT JOB!

Signed Melissa

 

Dear Melissa,

          Thanks for your kind note. It is one thing for parents to display a double standard. It is something else again for them to not have any standards whatsoever. I hope the girl took my advice. —O.G.


Dear Old Guy,

I am dating this man and it is sort of serious. He is wonderful in so many ways. My dilemma is, he is broke. We are in our early 50s. I do not need someone to support me financially, and I have plenty saved for my retirement, but broke at 50?

He is talented and works hard but he is a typical ‘I don't really care about money’ aged ski bum. It's not that I am greedy grabby; I just don't want to end my days as a pauper. Should this be a deal breaker? Or do I just adjust to the fact that he is fiscally irresponsible?

Signed, Polly want an answer

Dear Polly,

          I am assuming by your letter that Ralf, (I’m going to call him Ralf) isn’t the freeloader sort.

So here is my first of all. The idea that Ralf doesn’t care about money isn’t true. It’s a cover-up. Money is probably one of the greatest worries in his life. Because he hasn’t achieved the financial security he wishes he had, all he can do is find a way to justify being broke both to himself and the world. His other worry is that he will be alone going into the last stretch of his life. That fear is reasonable because we know as fact that women don’t want to be involved with a guys who aren’t financially secure, especially in their latter years, as your letter proves.

          So, this is my answer to you, and all those woman out there pretending they are happy to be alone or holding out for a man who is well off: If you find a guy who treats you decently, is good company and reasonably well-mannered (maybe a good kisser, too) then forget about how much wealth he has accumulated. In relationships we all bring something different to the table. If you can provide a weekend in the Poconos and he can put up a decent set of bookshelves, I’d say you are ahead of the game.

          There is one more thing you should do. Talk to your accountant or lawyer and secure your finances to keep them separate. Also, no matter what, never cosign a loan or go into a business relationship with someone you are dating. An honorable guy will never ask or lead you into making that kind of decision, anyway.

In short, Polly, taking everything into consideration, give this guy a chance. If not him, then me. —signed poor O.G.