Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy. Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

As an ardent masculinist who's a-politically correct to boot, I wonder if you find the following as troublesome as I do. It's now bandied about in politically correct circles that calling yourself or someone else a dog owner is offensive. They claim we don't own animals, we only care for animals, that you are the dog's guardian. I queried someone recently about this, the guardian of a Doberman by pointing out, "Your dog can kill you in seconds and yet you claim to be his guardian?"

His response was, "Yes, if someone tried to hurt him I would leap to his defense." Hmm. This is the price I pay for spending too little time in Maine and too much time in San Francisco.

                    Your Humble Servant

Dear Humble Servant,

Though I understand the argument on both sides, I'm with you. For me though, it's more about being a guardian of the language. I don't like how political correctness has corrupted English. Over the years a host of obnoxious axioms have been added, designed to give less thoughtful people the appearance of enlightenment and wisdom. To those folks I say, my damned dog is my dog. My cats are my cats and until they start paying the vet bills they will remain mine.

Now, that said, it's perfectly fine for a politically correct person to claim dogs as their intellectual equals. No argument from me there. Neither will build a rocket to the moon.

There may be one more angle to this. This new view of our relationship to pets may have been drawn up by an insurance company lawyer. If rather than owning the dog you are only it's guardian then if it bites someone theoretically the animal acted on his or her own, relieving the homeowner (can I still say that?) of any responsibility. The result would be getting companies like Mutual of Omaha off the hook. It's all further proof that society is doomed. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Recently I reconnected with someone I was once romantically interested in. We've spent some time together of late and though it may or may not go anywhere I have noticed something that could potentially drive me up a wall.

This woman, I'll call her Joanne Desoto, of 138 Billinger Street, Portsmouth, N.H., (not her real name) is quietly obsessed with hand washing. I mean it hasn't manifested itself too greatly so far but I did notice when we share things like a bag of chips or a plate of fries she is insistent on knowing if I washed my hands.

One time, she talked about a previous boyfriend. One of the most disparaging things she could say about him was that he was not a good hand washer. Other than that the guy was near perfect. I like Joanne Desoto of 138 Billinger Street, Portsmouth, N.H., but not sure if I can live up to her expectation of cleanliness, or if I even want to. Any suggestions?

               Sign me, Out, out damn spot.

Dear Out, out,

You know the old saying cleanliness is next to godliness? Well I looked it up in Webster's and actually cleanliness is much closer to cleavage; but, I digress.

There must be a deep rooted physiological reason that Joanne Desoto of 138 Billinger Street, Portsmouth, N.H., is wringing her hands about hand washing. I don't think it's your place to do the analysis. Big waste of time. Much easier to just lie to the woman and tell her you scrubbed up even when you didn't. Eventually, if you end up dating you will have exposed her to so many germs that her immune system will be much improved, so actually you're doing her a favor. If you don't want to use that approach there are two other things you might try.

First, it might really impress Joanne (I'm not typing that whole thing out again) if you begin carrying around those disposable latex gloves. They're not that expensive and if money is an issue, easy to steal from the local hospital. The other thing you might consider is to actually wash your hands on occasion. I only say this because you and I have met a couple of times and frankly I'm surprised she's agreed to spend any time with you at all. So, there are your options and I wish you well. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I was wondering what you think of waitresses who flirt with the men they are waiting on. In particular, I find when I'm dining out with my husband, Barney, that the waitresses always pay him lots of giggly flirty attention and when it's my turn to order they go flat-faced and business-like. I told my husband I think it's a behavior he encourages but he disagrees. Care to weigh in?

                  Signed, Want a loyal husband

Dear Want a loyal,

I have a couple of responses and I'm not sure which one to use first because they are both right and to the point. I'll toss a coin to see how to begin. OK. Heads.

First, let me tell you, Barney is not your husband. No. You are his guardian.

Secondly, With Donald Trump on the verge of becoming a serious presidential contender this is what you're worried about? Please! —O.G.