Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

With the elections coming up would it be fair to ask you how you will vote? Is there any one issue that strikes you close to home?

Signed, longing for Thomas Jefferson

Dear Longing for Tommy J.,

Well, if you are hoping to see somebody like Jefferson run, well, forget it. As it turns out, in the world of instant media, smart, deliberative politicians don’t do very well. Much of the public had come to confuse reactionary with decisive, intelligence with savvy. Just look at our current president. Whether or not you like his politics he thinks about what he is doing. Now, because of it, many of his supporters are falling by the wayside which lends credibility to his long term detractors. Just look at his present popularity polls. On the other hand, if we had a president who, let’s say, rushed in to a war, no matter how justified, he would be a hero.

Now, as to how I’ll vote? My barber, Phil, who 50 years ago was his high school class president and is now keeping his hand in public service as a notary, made an interesting observation the last time I had my head polished.

I can only paraphrase but it went something like this: When a Republican is elected he immediately does whatever he can to enrich himself and his friends. When a Democrat is elected the first thing he does is set out to effect social change which he quickly gives up, and starts doing whatever he can to enrich himself and his friends.

I don’t know if Phil had any observations about independent candidates but my own suspicion is that they didn’t get enough love growing up. So, all that said, I vote my conscience.

A far as an all consuming issue goes, I’m afraid it’s they’re too intertwined to pick just one. Now readers, get out there and vote! —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I’m a 13-year-old girl and planning on going trick or treating with my friend Paul. There is this girl at school, a really goody two shoes, who especially likes Paul and she asked me if Paul and I would like to go do Halloween with her. Neither Paul or I are really friends with Patti and would rather be alone. In fact Paul doesn’t even want Patti’s attentions, if you know what I mean. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Is there a nice way to tell her no thanks?

Signed, Trick or Treat

Dear Trick or Treat,

The mature thing to do would be to offer to include Patti in your plans. Tell her to bring the eggs because you’re bringing the shaving cream and Paul is in charge of the matches and firecrackers. Then if Patti decides she’d rather not be in your company for Halloween, well that’s on her, isn’t it.

But then again, you are only 13 and maybe you should know it’s okay to tell someone that you have plans already and thank them kindly and graciously. It really does work. Really. Happy Halloween and I’ll see you out there. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Re: The Q-Tips — Our Russian exchange student commented on one such lady we were following in our car. "In Russia we call them God's dandelions."

Re: Ahortage of available men in our area — un-hunh. If he's unattached, it's probably for a really good reason. I'm not super-picky, as my late husband was 25 years older than I, and I'm fine with old guys, but there is a reason there are many more single women here than men. It's not just the difference in life expectancy. Really enjoy the column; please keep it up.

Signed, C.B.

Dear C.B.

First, I’m sorry for your loss. I will tell you that there are some great guys who are unattached for no good reason. My wife thinks of me as unattached and I’m a perfectly decent fellow. Think about it! —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,
If you are planning to die, retire, or vacation soon, let me know. I'd be glad to cover for a while.

Signed, Another Old Guy Ike

Dear Ike,

I suspect you would be a great asset to this column. That said, in this economy I can never retire and my plans for any kind of vacation are less certain than my plan to someday die. But I think you’re on to something. A whole group, not a group a brigade of old guys like us! If we got together we could change the world! It reminds me of an idea I had a while ago. I was going to start a club for Luddites but couldn’t find anyone to set up a membership database. Go figure… —O.G.