Dear Old Guy: Littler and loving it

Mon, 10/27/2014 - 5:00pm

Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.


Dear Old Guy,

Since being older than dirt myself, would like to ask you why we are seeing such an emergence of local people from different faith persuasions working together so well to meet common needs? Never thought I would see so many Protestants serving and attending the banquet at St. Bernard's Parish. This same kind of spirit doesn't seem to be occurring elsewhere or it doesn't seem as our world would be in such turmoil. We seem to have some very visionary leaders willing to do things differently and trusting one another. Why does it seem so difficult to live in the solution when it is so darned much fun?

Signed, Dick

Dear Dick,

OK, I think you were up very late and wrote your email just as the cold meds started to kick in. That said, let's see if I can decipher the gist of what you're trying to say.

First, you are noting that there seems to be, on one hand, a greater show of acceptance and cooperation between diverse faiths and people, while on the other hand there also seems to be, elsewhere in the world, a decrease in acceptance of others. You close by questioning, Why is it so hard for the rest of the world to get along when, from your own experience, that cooperative effort feels so good?

Dick, do you have to like my answer?

Yes, on local level there is the distinct impression that wonderful things are taking place. One town south, the local synagogue has been hosting the Christmas soup kitchen for years. The event is so flush with volunteers that when I show up to help I think I'm more in the way. That's one example. Another is that Chinese restaurants stay open on most religious holidays so that heathens like me have someplace to go and get out of the house until the joyful music ceases its three-month assault.

But here's the thing Dick: It may sound cynical but, we are fortunate enough here in the good old U.S. to find pockets of peace and harmony in which to lead our lives. Outside our protective bubbles there is still a country and a world horrible with self-serving intolerance. Intolerance to women, children, blacks, gays, gypsies, Hindu, Muslims, Jews, even agnostics and atheists. I'm sure I've left out whole sects and sub-sects!

Off the top of my head, inside our protective bubbles the fact that we commend ourselves for helping someone because they are gay or Christian or black (don't make me go through the whole list again, please) means that we have not come as far as we would like to think. When the day arrives that we reach out to others as people only then we'll really be making progress. As far as the rest of the world goes, let them all go to hell if they don't get my point.

—O.G.

 



Dear Old Guy,

Last year, I finally knuckled down to a strict regimen of diet and exercise. Well, it worked and I am now down to my original weight; but, that's not entirely true. Over the past few weeks, I've noticed a couple of pounds creep back in. I'm terrified of gaining all that I've lost. Any suggestions?

Signed, Littler and loving it.

Dear Littler,
I faced the same problem, though I was not quite as successful as you. I was trying for my original weight of seven pounds, eight ounces, but didn't even get close.

I developed a theory years ago that fat, like matter in the universe, is a constant. It cannot be created or destroyed. If one person is losing it then most likely I am gaining it. Here's a hint. Stay away from those groups that diet together. If someone is successful then chances are, if you are standing next to them. You get the picture.

Here is my suggestion: Don't worry about the three pounds. Losing weight is not a short term investment. Like buying a stock, you have to be patient for the long haul. There will be ups and downs but keep your eye on the prize.

—O.G.

 


Dear Old Guy,

Settle an argument between my husband Mark and I. He insists on keeping the plumber's helper, you know, the potty plunger, right next to the toilet in the bathroom. I tell him it's disgusting and unsightly. What do you say?

Signed, Hide the odious suction cup

Dear Hide,

Wow. Thanks. Every time I think I am losing faith in my readership I get a letter like yours. The fact is, there will never be world peace, some kid somewhere is being raised poorly and cappuccino foam will not last forever, except at McDonald's where it's chemically enhanced. But your problem, now that's something I can solve!

Mark! Get the disgusting plunger out of the bathroom! I know why you want to keep it handy. I understand, but its very presence means that your issue is no secret.

Wife! Change your husband's diet and maybe he won't need the plunger every other day. Also, my dear, if you want fast results, use the plumber's helper as a bargaining chip. Tell Mark if he removes the plunger to a more discrete place then you won't insist on his putting the toilet seat back down. And while I'm on the subject: For all you ladies out there who insist on your men doing the same, get real. Wouldn't you like to know the seat is actually being lifted?

—O.G.