Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

Where did worms go to dry off before pavement was invented? I ponder this every time my jogs turn into a twinkle-toes ballet after the rains.

Signed, Angelina Ballerina

Dear Angelina,

You asked an important question that will not receive my usual glib response.

Here is the truth which you may find is stranger than fiction. As you know, within nature many juxtaposed creatures form symbiotic relationships. Take the shark and its companion, the angelfish; or, the horse together with the fly; or, something dear to all our hearts, the rabbit and the turtle, who are forever locked in a race that keeps them both at the top of their game.

First, for those of who don't know, worms have to get out of the soil in heavy rain so they don't drown. So, Angelina, to answer your question, before there were sidewalks, birds would carry the worms up to their warm dry nests until the rain had passed. The relationship worked because layers of worms insulated the unhatched eggs during inclement weather. When the rain cleared the worms would simply slide out of the nests and drop to the soft forest floor.

Sadly, when concrete sidewalks were invented the act of falling to the ground became quite deadly. What you are seeing on your jogs on those rainy days are not worms coming out of the earth but worms that have died as they plummeted from the various nests above. I hope I've answered your question and that you will think of my explanation during your next rainy day jog. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Another good column, with a truly lovely photo of your disguised self. I'm always happy to hear about cat men. My wonderful son-in-law, a huge football-playing engineer, is a cat guy despite being allergic to them. When he comes home from work, the children climb up his legs, yelling to be picked up. I've always have had cats and dogs together and as different as the species are, they bring out different qualities in their people.

Signed, Meow Mama

Dear Meow Mama,

Thank you for sharing you own cat experiences. Following my cat suggestion a reader wrote in the comment section that collars can also cause an animal to get hung up, and that he lost his pet to that sort of accident. Very sad. There are breakaway collars but I find they come off too easily. Perhaps there are no perfect solutions and owners should just follow their own instincts. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Q-Tip here. Some tell me I'm like that bad penny that keeps coming back. I want to say, you are very familiar looking in that picture and think we may have met before. Considering we are fast approaching one of my favorite holidays, I thought this question to be a fitting one, so I have to ask, Old Guy, are you Santa Claus? If so, I thank you for all the coal I've received over the years, it is heating my house very well.

Signed, I've Been a Good Boy (for the most part)

Dear Good Boy,

I will flatter myself that you suggested I am Santa in that I am so kind and generous, but we know that isn't true. More likely you asked because the photo makes me look rotund. Here's the thing. You skipped a holiday and quite frankly, by those who know me, I am more often compared to the Thanksgiving turkey. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

If a man in the middle of the forest speaks and his wife isn't there to hear it is he still wrong?

Signed, Phil Osipher

Dear Phil,
I don't know if your question is a matter of philosophy so much as it's one of common sense. Since I am not the greatest mind in the world I'll deal with the latter aspect. The short answer is, yes. You are still wrong but at least in the forest there is no one to hear you. Well, no one except the falling worms. —O.G.